Can't sleep

I can't sleep... it's like that every year.
December - January and June - July, those month I always end up sleepless.

I'm tired as hell, but no change for a nap at all... and when I first fall to sleep I only get nightmare...
It's creepy. I do have some sleeping pills, but I don't feel to take any... kinda afraid.

What if I get some nightmare and because of the pills I don't wake up so easily?  (>_<)  No... don't want to...

So..., here I'm. Sitting here starring at the screen and waiting for the first rays of the sunlight.

Hehe, now I got some company from my cat ^^ she just come in and found herself a comfy lap to lie on. How cute ^^ she leeks.

She will reaches the age of 9 years on the 6th June, with other words she will be 63 years old in human years....wow I didn't realize how old she was before now!  damn! xD

Hmmm... I think I gonna give her something good to eat ^^ after all it's x'mas soon.

Feeling empty

I don't really have something to say.
Nothing in mind and the day passed like that.
It's kinda lonely...

I spent the time with my amigo, we gamed, laughed and fooled around like usual.
But this time... I don't know...
I kinda feel empty, like it's only a shell who's remain of my soul.

It's not like I didn't had fun, for I did.
He is a good friend, someone who can make me feel valued, and whatever kind of situation he is always there for me.

Well... for the time being he hasn't ditched me in any ways yet.

And not least (!), he is honest and I mean really honest - he's not the type who goes around the bushes, and will not say something like "I understand you" or similar... really hate that phrase.

In situation I really have done something wrong or don't know what to do, he will say thing that I don't like to hear, but deep down I know he have right.
He is harsh and yet nice in his own way. He is himself, and that is something for itself - I like.

But somehow... today I didn't fully enjoy myself...
I know this have happened before, I kinda fall back to a empty shell. there everything is on auto gear, I respond, laugh, and I jokes to "the right times", but I'm still not present. My thought is like ".......", complete blank.

Some people will say that I'm depress. I have thought about it.
But what have I got to be depressed for?

Cuteness overload!

Best advertising for cheese

Love?

A friend of my called me today, and asked what real love is. A word who have never crossed my mind before was now asked.

I was kinda put out of it... unlike me, I couldn't answers at all.

The emotion that all hunting and looking for, but few have experienced, have never crossed my mind before now.

The feeling that make you float on clouds and everything seems like a rose dance, sounds like an unreal fairy tale to me. Almost like a lie.

A hormone that produce in your brain and make you high on it, but as soon the brain stop produce it the feeling also weakened. So is it really something that is called "real love" then?

Can't say that I understand this feeling called "love", I won't force myself to understand it either. but maybe one day I will experience it...

Out of my reach

Humanity is so weak.
We are all looking for somethings that do not exist.
Just some words can make you feel either at the top of the world or down at the bottom.

I don't wish to be bond to that.
And yet here I sit, down at the bottom once again.

It's like I'm searching for something I know it's impossible.
It is out of my reach... I know that.
And yet I'm hoping for it...

What a hopeless person I'm...

Every time, I say to myself "that this is a dead end", and "I should know better".
However, as soon I deiced to drop this hopeless situation, something out of my exceptions happens, that gives me hopes and I'm back to square one.
Why do I do this to myself?

Wecome Note

Congratulate. You found my blog.

Here I write about everything and nothing.

If there's anything you don't like here,
then mail me at careface@fuck.you  J

There's always a little red X there for you to exit.
Don't torture yourself reading my blog.

The Girl Within

I define myself as heterosexual,

I'm nyctophilia, ceraunophilia and neutral to things that doesn't matter.

I love animals, I love gaming and I am a fan of Gothic stuff. But I'm also the kind of person who thinks Politics sucks.

I'm an obsessive, hyperactive and slightly insane - but it's a part of the charm.

I don't like to be judged, but I'm judgmental. It's called being a bit of a hypocrite. I also procrastinate too much.

I try to learn Chinese and Japanese but I am too lazy to study properly, so my learning is very sporadic.