Shitty, crappy, handicap hand!

My hand didn't get better over night! The pain is worse and I can almost not use it. I can't manage to use any kind of force/strengths, so something as grabbing on or something is out of my way.

Everyday thing like brushing my teeth or to strap on my bra, was a hell of a striving. And I'm supposed to work as a waitress for 8 more days with this crappy hand? FML...

Has swelled up quite a bit...

Pain in finger joints

My first day for helping out for the Sunndal Cultural Festival, and at the end of the day I started to get pain in the finger joints. Especially after much use of the hands in any respect.

After such a session my fingers is stiffer, and it is difficult to make a fist.

I noticed it especially when cleaning, if I clenches my fist little too hard, I also get pain when I start to open it again. Especially at the joint closest to the palm, but also in the following.

Wonder if it is inflammation... Anyways, it's bad timing, I gonna work as a waitress for about 10 days, and I just started. And I do need the money! Can't get a sick leave....

FML...

My friends refrigerator

He lives in a student residence, on the 4th floor, and he is to lazy to go down second floor to the kitchen where the refrigerator is. So this is his solution.

Long live laziness! 

Royal Kitchen at The Royal Paradise Hotel & Spa

My mom's friend who has been our guide in this trip, took us to a well known restaurant in Patong, The Royal Kitchen, which are located in The Royal Parradise Hotel & Spa.

This restaurant serve traditional Cantonese cuisine, where their two signature dishes are Peking Duck and Roast Succulent Pig. The restaurant is located on the 25th floor of Paradise wing, which makes it the island's tallest hotel tower, and with a 180 degree views it's gives of a romantic and calming view across the bay. It's indeed a perfect places for fireworks view in New Years.

However, it's reputations for good food, ends with a huge disappointment for me. With all the praise the restaurant got on our way there, gave us an expectation that didn't hold. They had the appearance for a 5 stars restaurant but with a serving for a bad common restaurant. Perhaps we was unlucky with the timing, that it's not tourist season, but that is no excuse for a restaurant to do a bad work. If you are open, then you should keep up your standard.

Anyways, this was our food experience at Royal Kitchen, it started at the entrance with bad service, no waitress and people who worked there, gave no intention of leading us to a tables, despite the fact that we had booked. When we got a table, we didn't get the menu before 8 minutes later. 

We ordered 6 different dishes for sharing, one of them is my favorite dish, Pineapple fried rice, and to my surprise I found ants crawling with the rice... OK, maybe they was unlucky with the pineapple, sometimes it's difficult to see or get rid of all dirt on it's surface or between the leaves. Anyways, got rid of the ants and started on the dish. There was almost no shrimp in it, or the main ingredients, the pineapple meats. In fact, it's was simply lack of the most ingredients , except for rice. Fucking A....

We also ordered Thick stir fried noodles, another favorite of mine, the dish tasted burnt, it was literally burnt. They even tried to cover it up by putting all the burned on the bottom. The whole dish tasted like coal... 

The other dishes were OK, but poor in taste, almost no seasoning, but comparison they was much better than the Pineapple fried rice and Thick stir fried noodles.

Vegetable soup with tofu

Pork

Fried vegetable with eggs and shrimp

Pineapple fried rise

Some kind of Chop Suey with pork

Knausensenteret - After

Well then... I have been to the shrink

and... well... I don't know if he was of some help
everything he told me, I knew from before, so like I though, the whole thing, waste of time. He was OK, but far from good.

New appointment next week, maybe I will get something out of it then...
I doubt.

It's strange to sit there and talk about your stuff to a stranger and he sit there and act all that familiar with you like he do understand you. Do he really understand?

Don't feel comfy at all.
It's like he observe me like some kind of a extinct race or something. It's creepy, and it's make me feel like a psychopath.... which I'm not quite yet - LoL

Knausensenteret - Before

I'm going to Knausensenteret tomorrow
fucking dread...
It's a psychiatric polyclinic, and last time I talked with a shrink... it didn't end well...

It's was after my friend commit suicide.
The shrink, sat there and acted unprofessionally.
He said "I understand you"

WTF do he understand?
Has he seen someone commit suicide in front of him?
NO! So how the fuck do he "understand" how I fucking feel?

It ended with that I totally fucked up his office, and the office lady had to called 911.
Since that, I haven't been to the shrink.

I have to deal with my grief on my own, it doesn't help that others say "it wasn't your fault", when I fail to think that way. So they let me skip the shrink, however, I had to provide a monthly report on how I was or feel.

Fair enough. Anything is better than one hour with shit talk.

Anyways, this time is about school. One of my teacher suspect me of having cheated on one exam.

I want to emphasize that the only basis for my teacher has a suspicion of cheating is that he
found that two of the four questions could not possibly be as similar ones on the sensor guide, unless I had used junk funds, otherwise I had to have a photographic memory.

The teacher had taken various exams that have been published previously, and put it into a new one.
I was lucky to have practiced on an exam booklet with two of the stated tasks.

Allow me to point out that the sensor guide for those old exams paper was published on Fronter where all of us students have access to practice for the exam.

I have argued, discussed and explained with the teacher and the school since February,
to prove my fucking innocence. But it doesn't look like any help.

The worst thing is that the character wasn't any good, it was only a D. If I really had cheated, I had at least focused on a B or a C at least....

But here I am, sitting with a headache, frustration and stress, and the one I trust and talk to aren't present, and give comfort or support either.

What a wonderful life...

Feeling empty

I don't really have something to say.
Nothing in mind and the day passed like that.
It's kinda lonely...

I spent the time with my amigo, we gamed, laughed and fooled around like usual.
But this time... I don't know...
I kinda feel empty, like it's only a shell who's remain of my soul.

It's not like I didn't had fun, for I did.
He is a good friend, someone who can make me feel valued, and whatever kind of situation he is always there for me.

Well... for the time being he hasn't ditched me in any ways yet.

And not least (!), he is honest and I mean really honest - he's not the type who goes around the bushes, and will not say something like "I understand you" or similar... really hate that phrase.

In situation I really have done something wrong or don't know what to do, he will say thing that I don't like to hear, but deep down I know he have right.
He is harsh and yet nice in his own way. He is himself, and that is something for itself - I like.

But somehow... today I didn't fully enjoy myself...
I know this have happened before, I kinda fall back to a empty shell. there everything is on auto gear, I respond, laugh, and I jokes to "the right times", but I'm still not present. My thought is like ".......", complete blank.

Some people will say that I'm depress. I have thought about it.
But what have I got to be depressed for?

Out of my reach

Humanity is so weak.
We are all looking for somethings that do not exist.
Just some words can make you feel either at the top of the world or down at the bottom.

I don't wish to be bond to that.
And yet here I sit, down at the bottom once again.

It's like I'm searching for something I know it's impossible.
It is out of my reach... I know that.
And yet I'm hoping for it...

What a hopeless person I'm...

Every time, I say to myself "that this is a dead end", and "I should know better".
However, as soon I deiced to drop this hopeless situation, something out of my exceptions happens, that gives me hopes and I'm back to square one.
Why do I do this to myself?