Cats playing Patty Cake

A dream, in silence and grief

Everything is like a dream, it's like I'm standing outside and watching through a screen outside of this world... watching there everyone are.

...I feel so alone, the silence is nagging me... whispering...

The one who never have learned to love you are alone, and you are gone...
I can feel the pressure... it's just like a grief, hunting... hunting after lonely souls...

New semester

My first school day started a couple of days ago, however I come back to school the 02 January for exam in degree in tax law and information management.
Kinda fuck up start if you ask me (--__--)"

However it was fun to meet up with old classmates ^^ although we don't have the same subjects anymore, we still have brief meetings during breaks.

This year's subjects consists of Economic management, International financial accounting and Web & media, who is just something extra I take "just for fun", otherwise I would had too much free time with just 2 class in the week.

Last year I had up to 9 exams (!), so this time it's my turn to have a chill semester ;)
Now with only 3 subjects, I can also focus more on my bachelor thesis and still have time to outdoors activity!

Which means this year gonna be chill! \^_^/ 

Banana cake

Found myself a recipe want to try out.
Don't know where my mother got this but sounds interesting.

(1 cup is about 1 1/2dl)

• 2 eggs
• 3 cups (= 3 dl) sugar
• 3 cups (= 4 1/2 dl) plain flour
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 cup (= 1 1/2 cup or 150g) melted butter
• 2-3 ripe bananas

1) Crush the bananas, so it is ready.

2) Make eggnog by mixing the egg and sugar in a mixer (or bowl).

3) Then mix the remaining ingredients with the eggnog.
     Pour the bananas in the end.

4) Mix well and pour the contents of a well-greased tin with a baking paper on 

    (so it will not be so hard to wash the shape after).

5) Set the oven at 175 degrees, and bake it for about 45 minutes.

Then serve with vanilla ice cream <3

Can't sleep

I can't sleep... it's like that every year.
December - January and June - July, those month I always end up sleepless.

I'm tired as hell, but no change for a nap at all... and when I first fall to sleep I only get nightmare...
It's creepy. I do have some sleeping pills, but I don't feel to take any... kinda afraid.

What if I get some nightmare and because of the pills I don't wake up so easily?  (>_<)  No... don't want to...

So..., here I'm. Sitting here starring at the screen and waiting for the first rays of the sunlight.

Hehe, now I got some company from my cat ^^ she just come in and found herself a comfy lap to lie on. How cute ^^ she leeks.

She will reaches the age of 9 years on the 6th June, with other words she will be 63 years old in human years....wow I didn't realize how old she was before now!  damn! xD

Hmmm... I think I gonna give her something good to eat ^^ after all it's x'mas soon.

Feeling empty

I don't really have something to say.
Nothing in mind and the day passed like that.
It's kinda lonely...

I spent the time with my amigo, we gamed, laughed and fooled around like usual.
But this time... I don't know...
I kinda feel empty, like it's only a shell who's remain of my soul.

It's not like I didn't had fun, for I did.
He is a good friend, someone who can make me feel valued, and whatever kind of situation he is always there for me.

Well... for the time being he hasn't ditched me in any ways yet.

And not least (!), he is honest and I mean really honest - he's not the type who goes around the bushes, and will not say something like "I understand you" or similar... really hate that phrase.

In situation I really have done something wrong or don't know what to do, he will say thing that I don't like to hear, but deep down I know he have right.
He is harsh and yet nice in his own way. He is himself, and that is something for itself - I like.

But somehow... today I didn't fully enjoy myself...
I know this have happened before, I kinda fall back to a empty shell. there everything is on auto gear, I respond, laugh, and I jokes to "the right times", but I'm still not present. My thought is like ".......", complete blank.

Some people will say that I'm depress. I have thought about it.
But what have I got to be depressed for?

Cuteness overload!