Make me forget the empty space

I want something that can let me forget the present.
Let my mind flow
Let me forget the emty feeling for a little while.

Times likes these... get such a siphon...
make it tempting

Everything turns so beautiful and colorful
the siphon make me miss that kind of stuff
make me want to lose myself again
...so chill it was...so glorious

A phone call

He finally called! It's our first conversation since he left and I'm overjoyed.

The conversation wasn't long, but still, so happy ^^
I could finally talk to him \0/

The last time he tried to call, my cell phone didn't work at all
He could hear me, but I couldn't hear a thing.

I can't describe how happy I am now \^.^/
With him gone, I don't really have much close friends to talk to, or get support from, so That feeling when we talked and laughed, made me feel "whole" again.
It's like the empty space kinda vanished ^^ the stress and frustration isn't as heavy as before.

The conversation was nothing special, we talked like nothing has happened. He sounded so close... I really do miss hanging out with him...plz, come back soon.

Knausensenteret - After

Well then... I have been to the shrink

and... well... I don't know if he was of some help
everything he told me, I knew from before, so like I though, the whole thing, waste of time. He was OK, but far from good.

New appointment next week, maybe I will get something out of it then...
I doubt.

It's strange to sit there and talk about your stuff to a stranger and he sit there and act all that familiar with you like he do understand you. Do he really understand?

Don't feel comfy at all.
It's like he observe me like some kind of a extinct race or something. It's creepy, and it's make me feel like a psychopath.... which I'm not quite yet - LoL

Knausensenteret - Before

I'm going to Knausensenteret tomorrow
fucking dread...
It's a psychiatric polyclinic, and last time I talked with a shrink... it didn't end well...

It's was after my friend commit suicide.
The shrink, sat there and acted unprofessionally.
He said "I understand you"

WTF do he understand?
Has he seen someone commit suicide in front of him?
NO! So how the fuck do he "understand" how I fucking feel?

It ended with that I totally fucked up his office, and the office lady had to called 911.
Since that, I haven't been to the shrink.

I have to deal with my grief on my own, it doesn't help that others say "it wasn't your fault", when I fail to think that way. So they let me skip the shrink, however, I had to provide a monthly report on how I was or feel.

Fair enough. Anything is better than one hour with shit talk.

Anyways, this time is about school. One of my teacher suspect me of having cheated on one exam.

I want to emphasize that the only basis for my teacher has a suspicion of cheating is that he
found that two of the four questions could not possibly be as similar ones on the sensor guide, unless I had used junk funds, otherwise I had to have a photographic memory.

The teacher had taken various exams that have been published previously, and put it into a new one.
I was lucky to have practiced on an exam booklet with two of the stated tasks.

Allow me to point out that the sensor guide for those old exams paper was published on Fronter where all of us students have access to practice for the exam.

I have argued, discussed and explained with the teacher and the school since February,
to prove my fucking innocence. But it doesn't look like any help.

The worst thing is that the character wasn't any good, it was only a D. If I really had cheated, I had at least focused on a B or a C at least....

But here I am, sitting with a headache, frustration and stress, and the one I trust and talk to aren't present, and give comfort or support either.

What a wonderful life...

Best wake-up call ever!

Second day

I miss him

I feel so lonely without him

It's like I have lost a part of myself

...I don't like this feeling

I can't see him, and I can't get a hold of him

My feeling is overwhelming

Can't believe I have become so attached to him

I miss those days where I can contact him wheneever I want

I miss the joke and the attention I got from him

even his sarcasm...

The night that I enjoyed so much is now a time with grief

...I miss him