Out of my reach

Humanity is so weak.
We are all looking for somethings that do not exist.
Just some words can make you feel either at the top of the world or down at the bottom.

I don't wish to be bond to that.
And yet here I sit, down at the bottom once again.

It's like I'm searching for something I know it's impossible.
It is out of my reach... I know that.
And yet I'm hoping for it...

What a hopeless person I'm...

Every time, I say to myself "that this is a dead end", and "I should know better".
However, as soon I deiced to drop this hopeless situation, something out of my exceptions happens, that gives me hopes and I'm back to square one.
Why do I do this to myself?